


Turn Around (every now and then I get a little bit lonely)

by SinicallyOptimystic



Category: Portrait de la jeune fille en feu | Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Light Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-19 03:02:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22104109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinicallyOptimystic/pseuds/SinicallyOptimystic
Summary: Set immediately after the end of the film. What would happen if Marianne said hello to Héloïse at the orchestra?
Relationships: Marianne/Héloïse
Comments: 34
Kudos: 414





	Turn Around (every now and then I get a little bit lonely)

Marianne spent the entire concert watching her love. At first, it was out of sheer shock at seeing her in the flesh so unexpectedly. But as Héloïse’s face ( _god, that face_ ) went on an emotional journey to Hades and back, she couldn’t look away. In her eyes, she saw their love. In her tears, she tasted their goodbye. And in her smile, she felt the memories wash over her so strongly, it was all she could do to keep herself seated and not cry out. 

Still, by the time Act I was coming to a close, she’d made up her mind. She was just going to say hello. That was all. Just one old friend saying hello to another. Perfectly innocent. What harm could come of it? 

She left as soon as the last note came to a close, not bothering to stay for the ovations. As she made her way across the theater, she could feel her pulse rise. Her heart hammered away in her chest, and she couldn’t tell if it was from fear or anticipation. Probably a mixture of both. Her hands shook, and she had to fight the urge to touch her head. Breathing through her mouth was unavoidable. 

She reached the stairs to the balcony where Héloïse sat just as the crowd began to trickle out of the auditorium. She stood waiting impatiently, scanning the crowd for familiar blue eyes and blonde hair. The moment she saw Héloïse, eyes still red and watery, dabbing at her cheeks with a handkerchief, she knew she’d made a mistake. 

How could she have been so foolish? Did she really think she’d be able to exchange trivial pleasantries with this woman, then just go on her merry way? The urge to run to Héloïse, wrap her arms around her, and kiss away those tears was so strong she had to physically restrain herself. She gripped the nearby railing to keep rooted, and cursed herself for her folly. 

She’d been silly enough to think that the love had faded. That their meeting would be nothing more than becoming reacquainted with a fond memory. But the second Marianne actually saw her face, she was flooded with love so absolute it consumed her- threatened to burn her alive. She knew in that instant. There could be no hello, because she would never survive another goodbye. 

Here she was yet again, having to make Orpheus’ choice. Be the lover or the poet; cherish the memory or risk the chance of a longer life together. But what choice was there really? One was heartbreak, the other only fantasy. They would never have a life together. And any attempt, however brief, would only tarnish the memories they shared. Marianne needed those memories desperately. They were the light that got her through the darkest days of loneliness, when her heart called out for another and received no response in return.

_Better to have loved and lost…_

She made her decision. Héloïse hadn’t spotted her yet, so she could still make a clean get away if she moved quickly. She chances one last longing glance over the face that haunts her, then she’s turning and trying to get herself lost in the crowd. She makes it five steps exactly. She counted. 

“Marianne!” 

Her name in that voice stops her in her tracks immediately. If she’d been thinking clearer, she would have run. She would have pretended not to know the call was intended for her. Her mind was quick, but her heart was faster. It kept her body frozen to the spot, but would not let her turn around. She could hear footsteps coming closer, and knew the woman was approaching by the way her body reacted.

“Marianne, is that you?” 

Héloïse was right behind her then. Marianne could feel her breath on the back of her neck. It was rapid and shallow, as if Héloïse was feeling the same flurry of emotion she was. Tears came to her eyes, but she still didn’t answer. 

“Turn around.” 

A command… _that_ command. She was powerless against it. Taking a deep breath she turned, and steeled herself against what was to come. She needn’t have bothered. She was bound to be destroyed.

The second their eyes locked, someone sobbed. They could never be sure which one made the pitiful noise, but they both felt it. Emotions swam through the women in such quick succession, it was hard to name one before another took over. Recognition, relief, longing, fear, attraction, desperation, and always, always… love. 

“How… how is this possible? How are you here?” 

“I don’t know.” 

That was the truth. She had no idea how their paths crossed again, here of all places. She’d never known fate to be that kind before. 

“Perhaps it’s because of a wish I once made.” 

Héloïse smiled briefly, fondly. 

“Me too.”

Marianne’s heart caught in her throat again. The confirmation that she wasn’t alone in her feelings made her dizzy; made her think impossible things. She needed a dose of reality. 

“Where is your husband?”

Héloïse’s features shifted, darkened, as if she’d been reminded of something unpleasant. 

“Not here. We have an agreement. Once a month I’m allowed a weekend on my own, provided I am accompanied by a chaperone.”

Marianne rose her eyebrows in surprise. 

“A gift.”

“A consolation.” 

Héloïse’s words were heavy with implication, one that Marianne immediately picked up on. She wanted to reach out, to comfort, but this was neither the time nor the place. She watched as the expression on Héloïse’s face switched back to wonder, her eyes roaming Marianne’s face as if she were trying to consume her. 

“You look exactly as I imagined.”

Marianne smirked. 

“You dreamt of me?”

Héloïse returned the gesture. 

“No. I thought of you.” 

The casual admission stole the breath right out of Marianne’s chest. Echoed words from long ago stole over her and brought her to a different time and place. One where those words were followed by such passion, she could feel her cheeks flush at the mere thought. She could tell from the intense look on Héloïse’s face that they were thinking the same thing. 

“We’re in public.” 

Héloïse frowned and nearly took a step back. 

“I would never do anything to cause a scandal.”

“That wasn’t an accusation of you, it was a reminder to me.” 

Héloïse’s features softened once again, and she got a hooded look in her eye. She glanced around quickly to make sure no one was looking, then she leaned in close to Marianne’s ear, dropping her voice to a husky whisper. Marianne closed her eyes and bit her lip to keep from moaning at the proximity. 

“And if we were alone… what would you do then?” 

Marianne whimpered despite herself, causing Héloïse to chuckle. She took a step back from Marianne, and smiled. She wondered if her eyes were as blown as the brown ones in front of her. If they were, both their thoughts would be betrayed instantly if anyone cared to really look. They couldn’t stay here.

“I have a room a few blocks away. Come with me. My attendants are my husband’s, but they are loyal to me. Discretion will not be an issue.” 

Marianne’s head swam. This was all too much, happening too fast. Half of her wanted to throw caution to the wind, and give in to Héloïse’s proposition. The other half knew she was playing with fire, bound to get burned. Head and heart wrestled each other, and kept her from answering. Luckily for her, Héloïse didn’t need an answer. 

“Follow.” 

Héloïse took off towards the throng of people still making their way out the theatre onto the streets below. At first, she didn’t even turn back to make sure Marianne was behind her. But she could feel the distance growing between them, and her confidence was shaken. She turned back to where Marianne stood, still frozen in indecision. 

One look. That’s all it took for Marianne. Just a look back from Héloïse that was one part promise, one part plea. She couldn’t have resisted if her life depended on it, and she was sure that it did. Her feet began to move of their own volition, and before she knew it she had followed Héloïse out of the theatre and into a waiting carriage. 

The women sat on opposite sides in silence the whole ride. Words were unnecessary. It was enough just to be in each other’s presence again, and feel the electricity that passed between them. Héloïse kept calling attention to her fingers, trying to elicit a reaction out of Marianne. Marianne gave as good as she got, licking her lips suggestively. 

The trip from the theater to the room couldn’t have taken more than 10 minutes and it was still too long. By the time the two women were alone in Héloïse’s room, the tension was so thick it threatened to suffocate them. Marianne stood in the middle of the room, trying to grab hold of some semblance of control; over her heart, her mind, her body… 

Héloïse would have none of it. She shut and locked the door, then turned to Marianne, already taking off her coat and gloves. 

“Should we pretend propriety and make small talk, or…”

Marianne knew what she should say. She should stop this madness that had already gone too far. Just the implication of what they were about to do had the power to ruin both their lives. There was still so much unspoken between them, so much about each other’s lives they didn’t know. They weren’t the same people. This could never end well. 

“Why waste time?”

Héloïse’s eyes burned. 

“My feelings exactly.” 

They moved as one, crashing into each other in their haste to get to the other’s lips. Hands reached out to cup faces, and pull bodies impossibly closer. Marianne wove her fingers through Héloïse’s hair, undoing a dressing that must have taken hours. She then buried her face into Héloïse’s neck and sucked on the rapid pulse point she found there, eliciting a gasp.

“I can’t believe you’re here. So many times I prayed…”

Marianne moved from licking laps between Héloïse’s collar bone and earlobe, back to her mouth. She kissed her fiercely, as if she needed to be reminded that this was all real as well. 

“I know, my love… I know.” 

She could barely get the words out before Héloïse was back on her. There would never be enough. Not for them. The fight to get closer led to clothes being shed in a fever rush. They shuffled toward the bed, their movements impaired by the fact they couldn’t stop touching or kissing. They fell on the bed together, then scrambled under the sheets still wrapped around one another. 

Marianne rolled them over so she was on top. Héloïse spread her legs automatically to better accommodate their new position, and Marianne settled between her hips. The second their cores touched, both women cried out. Marianne shifted her body until their clits were perfectly connected. Then she set a pounding pace that had both women screaming and coming undone with a few well-placed thrusts. 

But that was only the beginning. For hours they devoured each other. Fingers were thrust so deep, heartbeats were felt on fingertips. Tongues danced lazily over every inch of skin exposed, and into secrets kept hidden from all but lovers. Kisses soothed old wounds, but caused new heartbreaks over how beautiful it all was. 

By the time they were too exhausted to continue, slivers of light peeked through the closed curtains, signs of a rising sun. They lay breathless; a tangled pile of sweaty bodies and tired limbs. Marianne couldn’t remember ever feeling so sated, and she struggled to move. She slowly disentangled herself from Héloïse so that she could turn on her side and watch her. 

Héloïse’s eyes were closed, and her lips parted as she tried to catch her breath. Her chest rose and fell with the effort, making her breast dance in the low light. Marianne extended a finger to toy with a nipple. 

“You feel even better than I remember.” 

Héloïse smiled though heavy-lidded eyes and reached over. Her hand dipped briefly between Marianne’s legs, disappearing into dark curls. Marianne barely had time to react with a purr before Héloïse was pulling back out. She raised her hand to her mouth and licked each finger like they were coated in wine. 

“You taste the same.” 

Marianne chased Héloïse’s fingers with her lips. She kissed her down into the pillows, throwing one leg slightly over one of Héloïse’s own. Once she’d gotten her fill for the moment, Marianne settled down, laying her head on Héloïse’s chest. Héloïse kissed the top of Marianne’s head, and brought a hand up to stroke her hair. They rested in contented silence, each basking in the other’s presence. Marianne’s eyes drifted over to the nightstand, and she smiled softly at a familiar book she saw there. 

“Doing some reading?” 

Héloïse didn’t even need to look to know what Marianne was referring to. The left side of her mouth quirked up. 

“Not really. I haven’t read that book in years, but I keep it with me always. It’s my most precious possession.” 

Marianne closed her eyes at the sharp pang of emotion that hit her at the confession. She bit back her tears and pressed on. 

“I saw.” 

Héloïse’s hands stilled. 

“What do you mean?”

“I was at an art show years ago. There was a painting of you. Rather mediocre I must say, considering the subject they had to work with.” 

Héloïse let out a watery laugh. 

“I’ve certainly seen better.” 

Marianne smiled. 

“Page 28…. that book was in your hand, and page 28 was bookmarked between your fingers.”

“I made sure the artist specifically painted 28. I hoped that somehow, somewhere, you’d see it and know I hadn’t forgotten you.” 

“Clever girl.” 

Marianne leaned back to look into Héloïse’s eyes. In them she saw reflected the same mix of hope and heartbreak she knew shown in her own. Because there was something else in that painting. 

“Your daughter is beautiful.” 

Héloïse looked away. 

“Yes… she is.” 

And just like that the bubble was popped. 

“How long have we got?”

“I have to leave in a few hours to make home by sunset.”

“So that’s it then.” 

“It doesn’t have to be. I told you, once a month -“

Marianne jerked away like she’d been burned, and looked at Héloïse accusingly. 

“Every month? You want to put me through this every month? For how long? How long until you can’t get away? Until one of your coachmen trade loyalties, or your husband finds out in any number of other ways? How long must I wait for you, never knowing which stolen moment will be the last? Think of what you ask of me!” 

Marianne detached herself from Héloïse completely. She moved to sit on the edge of the bed, turning her back on the other woman and her impossible invitation. Héloïse shivered, feeling the loss in more ways than one.. 

“What else can I do? I know the burden I place on you, but the thought of leaving this room and never seeing you again…” 

Marianne could hear Héloïse’s voice catch, and felt tears of her own pouring down her cheeks. How unfair it all was. Why did it have to hurt so badly? Why couldn’t their love be enough?

“I could stand it before. I told myself that you were a dream. A fantasy I concocted to comfort me while I faced my last days of freedom. Our time together was beautiful because I needed it to be, even if my memories were covered in roses. And surely they had to be. Your skin couldn’t be as soft as I imagined. Your kisses couldn’t be as sweet as I remembered. As long as you weren’t real, I could face my reality.”

Marianne could feel a shift behind her. Héloïse crawled over to where Marianne sat, and placed a hand gently on the small of her back. 

“Now that I’ve had you again? It’s like taking in air when I didn’t even know I stopped breathing. I haven’t lived a single second since you left me. I’ll die again every time you go. But I would rather face a thousand deaths, than one life without you in it. Orpheus was a fool.” 

This caught Marianne’s attention enough to have her looking over her shoulder, but not enough to turn around. 

“How so?”

“He never went back again. He already survived one trip to the Underworld, what was another? Even if he didn’t make it, he’d been ready to die for her before. Either way, he would have been reunited with his beloved which was the point in the first place.” 

Marianne smiled despite herself. 

“I never thought of it that way.” 

Héloïse could sense Marianne’s resolve weakening and it encouraged her. She wrapped her arms around Marianne’s waist and pulled her closer. 

“Think of it now. Come back for me; come back always. You may lose me when you turn around, but I promise I will always be standing there waiting. Hoping that this time will be the time we make it all the way to the surface, and a forever together.” 

Marianne sobbed and moved her hands to cover Héloïse’s. It sounded so simple and tempting, even amongst the tragedy of their circumstance. Héloïse placed kisses to Marianne’s back, shoulder and cheek. She leaned her head against Marianne’s, and put lips to the shell of her ear. 

“Marianne, please ... turn around.”

Again, those two words. Coming from Héloïse’s mouth they were sweeter than three ( _I love you_ ), and more devastating than one ( _goodbye_ ). Marianne knew Héloïse was speaking of more than just the physical act. Turning around would mean no turning back. 

“You’re right about one thing.” 

“What’s that?”

Marianne twisted around in Héloïse’s embrace, a soft smile on her face. 

“Orpheus was a fool.” 

Héloïse laughed even as a single tear rolled down her cheek. She threw her arms around Marianne’s neck, and pulled her in for a searing kiss. A silent promise was shared, and two hearts were made just a little more whole.

**Author's Note:**

> So there you have it! I haven't written in a long while, but I just couldn't get this out of my head. This movie was beautiful and these women deserve the world. Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think; about the story and the movie. This fandom is way too small and I'm dying to talk about it with someone. :-)


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